Tag: Life

The Chicken Smelt Round the World

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“It was the chicken,” he said as he walked into the room.

“Wha?” I’m halfway listening as I’m reading something very important on the internet.

“The chicken.”

He has my attention now. “What chicken?”

“The smell.”

“Huh?” Clearly I’m missing some context here.

“I just realized that the chicken was stinking-up the Woody.”

“Oh. But what chicken?”  For some reason I can’t stop imagining a live chicken running a muck in his work van. I’m confused and my forehead is doing that pucker thingie that it does when I’m perplexed and that’s why I have forehead wrinkles.

“The chicken in my lunch box.”

“Oh. That chicken. From two weeks ago? Ewwwwwwwwww.”

“Yeah, I can’t believe we thought it was mildew.”

“Well, you did leave the doors to the Woody wide open through a torrential downpour.”

“I’m just glad I got it figured out. Now I don’t have to clean the Woody today.”

“But what about the lunch box? That thing wasn’t cheap.”

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.”

“Were you on of those kids that always left food in your lunch box over the weekend?”

“My mom used paper bags.”

“Good to know.”

___________________________________________________________________________

Seriously guys. Don’t let this happen to you. It was the chicken smelt round the world. Or just our neighborhood. Sorry neighbors. The minute the doors of the Woody were opened the smell rushed out into the world overpowering in its terrible stench. I would never have guessed the source of the smell wasn’t mildew. I actually have a lot of experience in the field of mildew from that time that Dash got rained in and a mold infestation occurred. I’m sure you can’t wait to read about that.

So moral of the story is leaving perishable food in a lunch box in a hot car for days is not advised. Unless you really like surprises.

Love Note

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Today’s Prompt: You stumble upon a random letter on the path.You read it. It affects you deeply, and you wish it could be returned to the person to which it’s addressed. Write a story about this encounter.

The paper was folded into an uneven square when I picked it up off the path. I carefully unfolded it and began to read. I was struck by the love scrawled across the lined memo pages.

Don’t forget today (and every day) that your number one fan is always with you. You’ll do great cause you are the greatest, most amazing, unstoppable, unsinkable, loved immensely by me-YOU!

I smiled as a memory flashed through my mind. My pen poised in the air as I searched for the words, and then hastily put pen to paper. Giggling to myself as I placed it on the nightstand under his keys. The note passed back and forth through the years. A sure fire pump-up going into life’s biggest days. Or on a day like today when I leaned in for a goodbye kiss, tucked into my pocket just because.

The Loss of Free-For-All Eating, Shopping and Other Guilty Pleasures

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It has been a week since I ended the 21 Day Elimination Diet–part 1 of my journey to figure out what I’m eating that is wrecking havoc on my body. I’m proud that I completed the process, but there is definitely some mourning (and celebrating) that needs to happen over the loss of my previous lifestyle and habits.

Here in no particular order are some things lost along the way–some forever, some for now and some whose future is uncertain…

Forever Lost

1) Time. Point blank it takes more time to eat healthy and to consciously think about every morsel that goes into your body. To follow the elimination diet, careful planning and preparation are a most. It took me until about day 3 when I was starving to get the hang of that. Eating in a pinch used to consist of grabbing my favorite chips and dip from the cupboard. Not really an option when processed foods are a no-no, and hidden ingredients lurking in the most benign of foods make them off limits as well. Did you know there is sugar in EVERYTHING?

2) Money. Ok, to be fair money spent in the pursuit of ones health should probably not be considered a loss. But this is my mourning list, so I’m gonna cry over those dollar bills spent at Whole Foods anyways.

3) Free-for-All Eating. As in, I eat what I want, when I want, and as much as I want. And that goes for drinking too. This mainly applied to queso and chips, wine and mac n chz. Gah, no wonder my body went all toxic and ragey on me. Was it trying to tell me something? That I’m not 21 anymore? My metabolism is failing me?  Oh, the horror. And truth. All good things must come to an end. Goodness gracious, I sound all growed-up.

Lost For Now (I mean forever is a strong word)

4) Peanut Butter Easter Eggs. This was especially tragic as they only come around once a year. Peanut butter and chocolate were most definitely on the not list so I had my first Easter in the history of Easters without them.

5) Free-for-All Shopping: Like free for all eating, free for all shopping was just how I rolled pre life changing experience. I might have a list, but that didn’t stop me from wandering down every aisle, throwing the random delicious treat in my cart and trying every sample I could get my hands-on. Now I have to stay on the outskirts of the fun, and stick to the freshies that run the perimeter of the store. Which is kinda not fair because there are many things on the perimeter like cheese and ice cream that I can’t have.

6) Extra pounds. I was not sorry to say goodbye to the extra pounds courtesy of my free-for-all eating/drinking. I guess everything comes with a price which I was willing to pay in 10 pounds give or take.

Future Uncertain

7) Headaches. Searching for the cause of my daily headaches was a major reason to embark on this process. And since beginning they have all but disappeared! And besides my diet nothing else has changed. Things are still good on the home front and work is still driving me insane especially without alcohol to unwind in the evenings. I’m not sure what will happen as I continue the incorporation process, but hope this one will stay gone!

8) Bread, soy products, cheese, ice cream, sushi, chocolate, beer, wine, and on and on and on. Basically, all the good things in life. Eliminated through the process, and awaiting reintroduction. Every three days, I get to introduce one new item from the no-no list and see how my body reacts. It’s been a week and I’ve tackled eggs, bananas and tomatoes. So far so good. Parting was sad, but the reunions have been great. Of course, it remains to be seen about the others.

Will I have to part with mac n chz for good? Am I allergic to wine? Will a random stash of peanut butter easter eggs appear in my life? Will the pounds return? What will become of me?? Will I still be the Lauren that I have spent years coming to terms with??!!

My Gift is My Song…

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Writing 101 has laid down the latest challenge and it’s to name the three most important songs in my life. Hmmmmm, this is not going to be easy! Spotify is my BFF and I love being able to think of a song and listen to it on the spot. When I think of my life, my memories are accompanied by my favorite song at the time. I grew-up in a house wired inside and out with speakers with music always on. I work to music, clean to music, play to music, jance (jamming + dancing) to music, drive to music, hang out to music–so yeah it’s a huge part of my life. Oddly enough, I have no musical talent. I sing along anyways though. It makes me happy, and I hope that you’ll enjoy the following songs as much as I do! (If you don’t love them too, don’t tell me because I’d hate to ruin any current or future friendship we might have.)

Live Your Life TI featuring Rihanna: I was two years out of college and living in Jackson Hole, WY when this song made its stamp on my life. I’d moved to Jackson, a ski town, site unseen after graduation as I wasn’t ready to end my good times and enter the “real world”. I’d heard it was fun and a modern day never, never land where I wouldn’t have to grow-up. Perfect! This song and it’s message “just live your life, no telling where it’ll take ya” was quite appropriate for my adventure. When I hear it on my playlist I’m transported back to Jackson where I’m dancing around the bar out waayyy too late without a care in the world. I appreciated it validating my decision to be a ski bum while my college friends got law degrees, MBA’s and MRS degrees.

Dancing on My Own by Robyn: I first heard this song on the HBO show Girls (forever grateful Lena Dunham) and it’s been my jam every since. It was love at first hear. I might even have made a music video to it on my 28th birthday. I will admit that “I’m in the corner watching you kiss her” is kinda creepy, but just hum through that part, keep dancing and it’s all good.

Crazy Love by Van Morrison: Classic. Amazing. Pure goodness. It warms my soul and is a very special song with a with a very special someone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyCAZRKXaQk

What are your favorite songs?

Carried Away

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I read the assignment for my latest Writing 101 post this morning before work, and therefore spent a good portion of the day thinking about it. It’s not unusual. I frequently find myself fantasizing about being transported out of the office. Well typically it’s less transported and more like running out of there, jumping in my car and pointing it towards…

Home. Our house which is exactly 2.7 miles  from work. It’s a 10 minute commute give or take. Traffic can be an issue as I have to drive straight through a college campus teeming with activity as students vie for the perfect parking spot, dart across the road when running late for class or saunter across when chatting with friends.

As I drive home, I am literally bouncing with excitement. I feel like a caged animal that has been released, and is following the scent home. My car radio isn’t working so I hum to myself and anticipate the moment that I walk through the back door of our house and shut the world out. Always gently because I don’t want to disturb our upstairs neighbor.

We live in a rental duplex in the downstairs unit. I’m not sure why I’m so concerned with maintaining quiet as our upstairs neighbor is either
a) really into cleaning and moving her furniture around daily
b) the owner of a bowling alley
c) a skipping maniac

No matter though. It’s one of the quirks of our home.

As I zoom down the steep driveway (quite honestly probably too fast but I am so excited), the tension in my body starts to release. Ahhhhhhhhhh. I’m greeted by our two seater vintage wooden fold-up chair that never fails to make me smile. It is just so freakin cute and perfect. And it makes me laugh thinking of how we didn’t really need it, but I put on my puppy dog face at the store and now it is ours and gives our backyard some major flair in my opinion.

Once inside and safely ensconced in our cozy home, I take a deep breath. Time to just be. Of course that is much better accomplished with some sweats so I head to the bedroom for the switch. I’m greeted by a laundry pile, my nightstand overflowing with books, an unmade bed and a whirlwind of scattered items courtesy of two people running very late for work, but hey that’s us. The dressers we refinished together somehow go perfectly with the nightstands I purchased from Wayfair, and that always gives me a thrill. I mean, you really just don’t know how that sort of thing will work out sometimes. This room makes me happy in its perfect chaos.

I wander into the kitchen for a bit of chores. I missed another smoothie splatter and dishes need to be done. Time slows down, and I flit around straightening the kitchen. I’m moving fast, but inside I’m calm. Returning our kitchen to order after last night’s culinary adventure and the morning’s hectic grab what you can and go, brings me peace.

I’m now ready for my perch on the couch where the cushion is perfectly indented from me. I’ve spent many nights curled-up here watching Jeopardy, writing, chatting, eating, drinking and entertaining guests. Secure in the throne of our kingdom. The vintage wooden dining table we inherited from Garett’s mom whispers memories of past and future dinner parties from across the room. The feminine pillows I picked to brighten the tan corduroy couch and compliment our teal shabby chic flea market tables are balanced by the metal and brown leather speckled chairs that Garett chose.

The fireplace is stained with soot and the walls are shedding. The light outside is haunted and the front door takes a special knack to lock. But there is a Harry Potter cupboard under the stairs and courtyard with stone walls tangled in ivy. There is the trellis that we built together for our hops plant and our Harris Teeter rockers that make the perfect seats on the front porch.

And most importantly there is us past, present and future. There are the family heirlooms that take their place of honor in our house. My great-grandmother’s afghan tossed across the sofa, the tea tin from Garett’s English grandmother adding character to the kitchen, the silver pitcher that’s the perfect flower vase. There’s the plastic snake from my Medusa Halloween costume still lurking in the bathroom waiting to scare guests. There’s the game of Risk peeking out from under the coffee table that is always beckoning us to battle for world domination and to enjoy a late night of too much fun. It’s the framed picture of my hometown that my best friend gave me and the abundance of martini glasses in the thrift store hutch. They are all a part of why I walk in this house, it puts its arms around me and I feel the love.

Tips for Smooth Smoothie Making

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So, one would think that after 21 days of making smoothies every morning I’d have it down to a science. I mean the name in itself suggests a smooth and easy process. How hard can it be?? Throw the ingredients in the Ninja, press a button and it does all the work. Well, for some reason it typically doesn’t work out that way for me.

I’ve decided that maybe I need some written reminders posted by the Ninja to help me out. Maybe the problem is I’m not awake yet. It’s typically one of the first things I do, because I wake-up hungry most of the time (awesome) and need something in my belly ASAP. So that my belly will quit yelling at me, so I can take my vitamins and so that I can drink my green tea. Vitamins and caffeine on an empty stomach are not a good scene. Andddd I can’t have eggs right now thanks to this elimination diet so smoothies it is.

The first roadblock I often hit is getting the ingredients in the blender without making a mess. As in I am really clumsy and somehow spill whatever is supposed to go into the blender all over the kitchen. When it’s blueberries and you are running late for work even better. It’s amazing how those suckers roll under everything, leaving a trail of vibrant purple in their wake and squished blueberries under my feet. Fun times.

The next problem is that when I do manage to finally get everything situated in the blender, I realize I’ve forgotten to put the blade in. I get to dump everything back out that I just worked so hard to get in so that I can put the blade in. As you can imagine that it’s own mini adventure. At this point, I’m ready to call it day.

I continue on, refusing to be daunted and too far in at this point to pull the plug. I breathe a sigh of relief that I am finally ready for the easy part where I press a button and let it go. I flip the switch and it’s making a weird noise and smells like the engine might be burning. Oh right. It’s still on the single serve setting and I’m using a pitcher. Minor adjustment, easy fix and I’m back in business.

The Ninja is finally working now, chewing the blueberries and kale into a frothy mix that I have definitely earned and spraying it out onto the counter and walls. Wait one of those things is not supposed to be happening. Yep, I did it again. I didn’t check to make sure the pitcher lid was closed hence the smoothie murals now decorating the kitchen.

Will I ever learn? Can I ever be trusted to make a smoothie without making a mess? Is there something wrong with me???

Chugging the Kool-Aid

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So if you think this blog has turned health-centric you should live with me. I am completely sold on this “you are what you eat concept” and convinced that I am surrounded by toxicity. In my defense, I’m reading Clean which is both informative and very scary at the same time.

The toxicity is in my shampoo (I hate washing my hair anyways) seeping into my brain and probably why it feels like mush half the time. It’s pumped through the vents at my office building clouding my senses which is probably why I feel like a zombie at work. It’s definitely in the box mac n chz I so adore clinging to my insides and poisoning my stomach one elbow pasta at a time. It’s in our laundry detergent leading to a universe of missing socks, jeans that no longer fit and itchy sweaters.

It’s all too much. I give-up!  I’m moving to the middle of nowhere, living off the land and shutting out this toxic world. A place where I won’t be judged for not washing my hair, work zombies don’t exist, there are no shiny grocery stores with boxes of mac n chz calling my name and it’s acceptable to wear stretch pants every day.

Who’s with me???

 

Delicious and Nutritious

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I promised that I would share some of the delish food that we’ve had while on the elimination diet. I can’t believe that we are already 1/2 way through. I can say that we have made some great food discoveries and substitutions to make this  feel less like an elimination diet and more like a culinary challenge. Chopped, anyone?

Here in no particular order are my favs.

1) Almond crusted cod with asparagus. The almonds added some texture, and were our substitute for breading.

Almond crusted cod

2) White bean and kale soup. I did not expect this so be such a popular item on the diet, but it is a staple. It’s rich and savory soup goodness. We might never go back to box soup.

3) Almond butter. With everything. Seriously. I ate a whole jar of it in the first week. It’s yum in smoothies, with celery, apples or in a pinch by itself.

4) Bison burger lettuce wraps. When we discovered we could have wild game we decided to try it. Frankly, we were getting a bit chickened out and wanted to mix it up a bit. We sliced the bison burgers and served them with pineapple salsa (garlic, onion, pineapple, lime juice and avocado) in a lettuce wrap. The salsa made a great condiment! I am a massive condiment lover so that has been really hard for me. I was happy to find I didn’t miss my burger being slathered in mayo, mustard, A-1 steak sauce, BBQ sauce, ranch and whatever other saucy goodness I could add.

5) Salads. When I was growing-up I loved salads. Well I loved ranch dressing so maybe the salad was a vehicle for that, but still I was getting my veggies in. As an adult I’ve learned that making your own salad requires slicing, dicing and chopping– not my forte. And ranch dressing really isn’t that good for me. So salads have been a thing of the past. Well, not anymore. I’m learning it’s really not that hard to throw together a salad. I bought a fun dressing maker shaker thingie from Target which probably helps matters. It lists the ingredients for a variety of dressings with measurements on the side of the container so it’s pretty fool proof.

Now that’s what I call living well.

Perception

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I was flipping through the television and came across the Live Well channel. It was my first experience with the channel, and I assumed that it was all about health. Perfect! If I saw that sriracha taco commercial one more time than this diet might be OVER. It seemed like a safe haven from the barrage of commercials urging me to eat this and drink that. None of which are items that I’m currently interested in endorsing. Oddly enough, there aren’t a ton of commercials pimping the virtues of the veggies and fruit that are mainstays of my diet right now. But I guess that’s another topic for another day.

Imagine my surprise when the segment was all about cocktails. While I’m off the wagon for the next 10 days at least, I plan on enjoying a fun drink again so I was excited to learn about living healthy and enjoying a cocktail. And then the hostess proceeded to mix a cocktail made with beer. Not even a light beer, but a dark, smooth, decadent looking stout…Urrrghhh, I do not need to be thinking about beer right now! Humph, so much for living well!

When I mentioned it to Garett his response was spot-on.

Well, sounds like they are living well…

Oh, right.

Who Does That?

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I had to share this because I can’t stop wondering if it’s just me or if the situation I’m describing below is a “who does that?”

As I mentioned in my last post, I’m on an elimination diet. On Monday (my second week of said diet) I walked into work, went into the break room to stash my diet essentials that would get me through the day and immediately noticed a massive baking pan of brownies sitting not so inconspicuously on the table.

I immediately knew who was responsible. With an office of 4, it’s pretty easy to figure out who staged a major temptation, on a MONDAY of all days, to thwart my diet. My lovely coworker who never brought treats for us in over a year suddenly had the impulse over the weekend to go into a major baking frenzy. And then bring it into the office to share. And talk about how she felt kinda weird bringing them in since one of us was on a diet. But not really.

Because seriously if you felt weird about it then the logical thing seems to be to parade it in the public break room versus in your massive corner office where you have plenty of room to host visitors and eat brownies.

So not that I really care, because anyone who knows me knows that I’d be much more tempted by mac n cheese or ruffles and french onion dip, but still who does that??

.