And we meet again…

I thought I’d revisit an old friend today, and discovered that this old friend has been absent from my life and subsequently your life since the beginning of 2016. It’s almost 2018. It’s been 2 years. How in the heck did that happen?! I’ve been racking my brain for what I’ve been doing, and why I haven’t been sharing it here with you. It amounts to a fair bit of adulting, and far more television watching than is probably ok. Thanks Netflix and Hulu.

As for the sharing part I’ll chalk that up to good ole fashioned fear. Yep fear. It’s not like I haven’t thought about this blog. Or writing. In fact, I have. And every time I manage to find a more important task that just must be done right then and there, and blogging will have to come later. Because let’s be honest I’ve got things to do, and a never-ending slew of excuses for why now is most definitely not the right time.  There is my to-do list to tackle, closets to organize, I’m tired, this blog has no focus, who is even going to read this, and oh. my. god. what if they do?! etc., etc., etc. It’s all very confusing and a lot to think through. Leading to me not writing, but thinking a lot about it. And wondering what this blog may be if I can only get it together.

Fear. I really don’t want to live my life worrying about what everyone that stumbles across this blog may think. But that is exactly what I’ve been doing. The road to blog abandonment is paved with excuses and driven by fear. And when I have caved and somehow made it to the page to write, I cringe at the thought of actually publishing a post. When I opened this blog today, I was welcomed by 39 draft posts reminding me that I’ve dipped my toes in, and then run screaming in the other direction–safe in the security of the unpublished post. Shew.

Can I change? Can I stop with the excuses, and find the courage to hit publish? Can I make those 39 posts live? And then can I create more? Oh, the suspense. I guess we’ll all just have to wait and see.

Publish Button

The bit about “send your post out into the world” always gets me.
Not this time Publish button. Not this time.

Observation

I watched as he crouched to the ground peering at something I could not see. I moved closer, and saw it was a green inch worm crawling toward the restaurant door. It had taken a tumble from the tree behind it, and was disoriented. Lacking the camouflage of the tree, the worm glowed green against the red stones of the sidewalk, cementing his status as prime bird bait.

The man hesitated, looking around before placing his hand in the path of the worm. The worm inched its way onto his open palm. The man cradled the worm before returning him to the relative safeness of a leaf. A safer spot than the ground, but no guarantees. An intrepid bird, a gust of wind, an aggressive rain drop–anything could wreak havoc on his existence.

I hoped that one day if the man ever needed it, someone would return him to his leaf.

Love Note

Today’s Prompt: You stumble upon a random letter on the path.You read it. It affects you deeply, and you wish it could be returned to the person to which it’s addressed. Write a story about this encounter.

The paper was folded into an uneven square when I picked it up off the path. I carefully unfolded it and began to read. I was struck by the love scrawled across the lined memo pages.

Don’t forget today (and every day) that your number one fan is always with you. You’ll do great cause you are the greatest, most amazing, unstoppable, unsinkable, loved immensely by me-YOU!

I smiled as a memory flashed through my mind. My pen poised in the air as I searched for the words, and then hastily put pen to paper. Giggling to myself as I placed it on the nightstand under his keys. The note passed back and forth through the years. A sure fire pump-up going into life’s biggest days. Or on a day like today when I leaned in for a goodbye kiss, tucked into my pocket just because.

My Gift is My Song…

Writing 101 has laid down the latest challenge and it’s to name the three most important songs in my life. Hmmmmm, this is not going to be easy! Spotify is my BFF and I love being able to think of a song and listen to it on the spot. When I think of my life, my memories are accompanied by my favorite song at the time. I grew-up in a house wired inside and out with speakers with music always on. I work to music, clean to music, play to music, jance (jamming + dancing) to music, drive to music, hang out to music–so yeah it’s a huge part of my life. Oddly enough, I have no musical talent. I sing along anyways though. It makes me happy, and I hope that you’ll enjoy the following songs as much as I do! (If you don’t love them too, don’t tell me because I’d hate to ruin any current or future friendship we might have.)

Live Your Life TI featuring Rihanna: I was two years out of college and living in Jackson Hole, WY when this song made its stamp on my life. I’d moved to Jackson, a ski town, site unseen after graduation as I wasn’t ready to end my good times and enter the “real world”. I’d heard it was fun and a modern day never, never land where I wouldn’t have to grow-up. Perfect! This song and it’s message “just live your life, no telling where it’ll take ya” was quite appropriate for my adventure. When I hear it on my playlist I’m transported back to Jackson where I’m dancing around the bar out waayyy too late without a care in the world. I appreciated it validating my decision to be a ski bum while my college friends got law degrees, MBA’s and MRS degrees.

Dancing on My Own by Robyn: I first heard this song on the HBO show Girls (forever grateful Lena Dunham) and it’s been my jam every since. It was love at first hear. I might even have made a music video to it on my 28th birthday. I will admit that “I’m in the corner watching you kiss her” is kinda creepy, but just hum through that part, keep dancing and it’s all good.

Crazy Love by Van Morrison: Classic. Amazing. Pure goodness. It warms my soul and is a very special song with a with a very special someone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyCAZRKXaQk

What are your favorite songs?

Carried Away

I read the assignment for my latest Writing 101 post this morning before work, and therefore spent a good portion of the day thinking about it. It’s not unusual. I frequently find myself fantasizing about being transported out of the office. Well typically it’s less transported and more like running out of there, jumping in my car and pointing it towards…

Home. Our house which is exactly 2.7 miles  from work. It’s a 10 minute commute give or take. Traffic can be an issue as I have to drive straight through a college campus teeming with activity as students vie for the perfect parking spot, dart across the road when running late for class or saunter across when chatting with friends.

As I drive home, I am literally bouncing with excitement. I feel like a caged animal that has been released, and is following the scent home. My car radio isn’t working so I hum to myself and anticipate the moment that I walk through the back door of our house and shut the world out. Always gently because I don’t want to disturb our upstairs neighbor.

We live in a rental duplex in the downstairs unit. I’m not sure why I’m so concerned with maintaining quiet as our upstairs neighbor is either
a) really into cleaning and moving her furniture around daily
b) the owner of a bowling alley
c) a skipping maniac

No matter though. It’s one of the quirks of our home.

As I zoom down the steep driveway (quite honestly probably too fast but I am so excited), the tension in my body starts to release. Ahhhhhhhhhh. I’m greeted by our two seater vintage wooden fold-up chair that never fails to make me smile. It is just so freakin cute and perfect. And it makes me laugh thinking of how we didn’t really need it, but I put on my puppy dog face at the store and now it is ours and gives our backyard some major flair in my opinion.

Once inside and safely ensconced in our cozy home, I take a deep breath. Time to just be. Of course that is much better accomplished with some sweats so I head to the bedroom for the switch. I’m greeted by a laundry pile, my nightstand overflowing with books, an unmade bed and a whirlwind of scattered items courtesy of two people running very late for work, but hey that’s us. The dressers we refinished together somehow go perfectly with the nightstands I purchased from Wayfair, and that always gives me a thrill. I mean, you really just don’t know how that sort of thing will work out sometimes. This room makes me happy in its perfect chaos.

I wander into the kitchen for a bit of chores. I missed another smoothie splatter and dishes need to be done. Time slows down, and I flit around straightening the kitchen. I’m moving fast, but inside I’m calm. Returning our kitchen to order after last night’s culinary adventure and the morning’s hectic grab what you can and go, brings me peace.

I’m now ready for my perch on the couch where the cushion is perfectly indented from me. I’ve spent many nights curled-up here watching Jeopardy, writing, chatting, eating, drinking and entertaining guests. Secure in the throne of our kingdom. The vintage wooden dining table we inherited from Garett’s mom whispers memories of past and future dinner parties from across the room. The feminine pillows I picked to brighten the tan corduroy couch and compliment our teal shabby chic flea market tables are balanced by the metal and brown leather speckled chairs that Garett chose.

The fireplace is stained with soot and the walls are shedding. The light outside is haunted and the front door takes a special knack to lock. But there is a Harry Potter cupboard under the stairs and courtyard with stone walls tangled in ivy. There is the trellis that we built together for our hops plant and our Harris Teeter rockers that make the perfect seats on the front porch.

And most importantly there is us past, present and future. There are the family heirlooms that take their place of honor in our house. My great-grandmother’s afghan tossed across the sofa, the tea tin from Garett’s English grandmother adding character to the kitchen, the silver pitcher that’s the perfect flower vase. There’s the plastic snake from my Medusa Halloween costume still lurking in the bathroom waiting to scare guests. There’s the game of Risk peeking out from under the coffee table that is always beckoning us to battle for world domination and to enjoy a late night of too much fun. It’s the framed picture of my hometown that my best friend gave me and the abundance of martini glasses in the thrift store hutch. They are all a part of why I walk in this house, it puts its arms around me and I feel the love.

Chugging the Kool-Aid

So if you think this blog has turned health-centric you should live with me. I am completely sold on this “you are what you eat concept” and convinced that I am surrounded by toxicity. In my defense, I’m reading Clean which is both informative and very scary at the same time.

The toxicity is in my shampoo (I hate washing my hair anyways) seeping into my brain and probably why it feels like mush half the time. It’s pumped through the vents at my office building clouding my senses which is probably why I feel like a zombie at work. It’s definitely in the box mac n chz I so adore clinging to my insides and poisoning my stomach one elbow pasta at a time. It’s in our laundry detergent leading to a universe of missing socks, jeans that no longer fit and itchy sweaters.

It’s all too much. I give-up!  I’m moving to the middle of nowhere, living off the land and shutting out this toxic world. A place where I won’t be judged for not washing my hair, work zombies don’t exist, there are no shiny grocery stores with boxes of mac n chz calling my name and it’s acceptable to wear stretch pants every day.

Who’s with me???