Author: GB

Happy Mother’s Day!

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In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d like to dedicate today’s post to my brilliant, amazing mother. Yes, I know that was last week, but better late than never and she’s awesome every day so here goes! She believes in me, has my back always and is super duper supportive even when I’m falling flat on my face. When I was in high school and had my learner’s permit we went shopping at Sam’s Club. She wasn’t thrilled with my parking job, so she requested that I do it again. She just knew that I could do it better. She was so confident in my abilities that she went ahead and began walking into Sam’s Club leaving me to park the Suburban.

It was thrilling and exiting so of course I got flustered. Then my feet got confused and I rammed a parked car. Since ramming a car without a license could have been very detrimental to my future, Mom came to the rescue. I mean she really, really wanted me to get my license on time and stop making her cart me around so she did what any mother would do. She swept-in and fixed it.

She might have batted her eyelashes and smiled which works because she has great style, always looks like a million bucks and doesn’t age. Which in turn makes me look like a million bucks as in “Yes, that’s my mom. Great genes I know. Yep, she could pass for my sister.” While this might have been annoying when I was younger, now that I’m older I find this very comforting. Also, she is generous with her belongings and is happy to let me raid her closet. And many times take home a few choice items.

She is patient with me. Seriously. We are not patient people. But somehow she can listen to me moan and groan for hours on end with the utmost patience. It must be maddening, and I even drive myself crazy half the time, but she is always willing to have another one-sided chat session. And every now and then when I really need to get a grip she calls me out and puts things in perspective. She is honest and soothing at the same time which is a hard line to balance. She oftentimes gets the worst of me, but still makes me feel like I’m the best and never complains. She has never failed me and I know that she never will. Thank you, thank you, thank you my beautiful, sometimes sassy, always loving, very funny and wise mother. You mean the world to me!

Helmet Advised

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Soooo, have you guys been missing me? In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been a bit MIA. Or did you think I was on an intentional hiatus? Or possibly a vacation? Hard to tell around here I know. Consistent posting is not my strong point, but I promise this is not a case of the dog ate my homework. It’s more of a hijacked by the roller coaster of life kind of situation.

Well I guess you can decide for yourself. Rewind to last week. I was on the verge of leaving my job so life was a bit hectic. Basically, I decided to quit my salaried position in event management and take a part-time job in development at the local university. So, it was a week meant to be spent dealing with the transition and preparing for my new job.

Things were moving right along until Wednesday evening when I began to feel sick. I didn’t have time for that so I picked mind over matter and willed myself to be better. I went to sleep ok, but had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. That’s when a curve ball came hurtling my way and knocked me on my ass.

Literally. I remember feeling disoriented, nauseous and like I was about to pass out. And then I did pass out and managed to fall out of the bathroom, down the stairs and hit my head on the tile floor. Thank goodness Garett heard the thump and my subsequent moaning and came to the rescue.

Before I knew it I was bundled up in the car and we were headed to the emergency room to get my head all stitched-up. After much poking and testing, it was determined I had a run of the mill virus, was dehydrated and probably suffering from a concussion. Oh and should not be allowed to use the restroom in the middle of the night without a helmet or escort.

So the moral of the story is just when you think that life can’t get an crazier it can and will. Oh, and be careful what you wish for. If you entreat the universe to shut-up your brain and constant mind chatter it just might happen. During the recovery period my brain was strangely empty and quiet. I’m happy to report I’m feeling better every day and that my brain seems to be working. I still think the concussed excuse is legitimate for a while longer. Also, you are never too young to consider wearing a Life Alert device. Or too cool to consider a permanent helmet. Especially if you are starting to notice that “Cautionary Tales” is coming up quite frequently in life and on your blog.

Observation

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I watched as he crouched to the ground peering at something I could not see. I moved closer, and saw it was a green inch worm crawling toward the restaurant door. It had taken a tumble from the tree behind it, and was disoriented. Lacking the camouflage of the tree, the worm glowed green against the red stones of the sidewalk, cementing his status as prime bird bait.

The man hesitated, looking around before placing his hand in the path of the worm. The worm inched its way onto his open palm. The man cradled the worm before returning him to the relative safeness of a leaf. A safer spot than the ground, but no guarantees. An intrepid bird, a gust of wind, an aggressive rain drop–anything could wreak havoc on his existence.

I hoped that one day if the man ever needed it, someone would return him to his leaf.

The Chicken Smelt Round the World

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“It was the chicken,” he said as he walked into the room.

“Wha?” I’m halfway listening as I’m reading something very important on the internet.

“The chicken.”

He has my attention now. “What chicken?”

“The smell.”

“Huh?” Clearly I’m missing some context here.

“I just realized that the chicken was stinking-up the Woody.”

“Oh. But what chicken?”  For some reason I can’t stop imagining a live chicken running a muck in his work van. I’m confused and my forehead is doing that pucker thingie that it does when I’m perplexed and that’s why I have forehead wrinkles.

“The chicken in my lunch box.”

“Oh. That chicken. From two weeks ago? Ewwwwwwwwww.”

“Yeah, I can’t believe we thought it was mildew.”

“Well, you did leave the doors to the Woody wide open through a torrential downpour.”

“I’m just glad I got it figured out. Now I don’t have to clean the Woody today.”

“But what about the lunch box? That thing wasn’t cheap.”

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.”

“Were you on of those kids that always left food in your lunch box over the weekend?”

“My mom used paper bags.”

“Good to know.”

___________________________________________________________________________

Seriously guys. Don’t let this happen to you. It was the chicken smelt round the world. Or just our neighborhood. Sorry neighbors. The minute the doors of the Woody were opened the smell rushed out into the world overpowering in its terrible stench. I would never have guessed the source of the smell wasn’t mildew. I actually have a lot of experience in the field of mildew from that time that Dash got rained in and a mold infestation occurred. I’m sure you can’t wait to read about that.

So moral of the story is leaving perishable food in a lunch box in a hot car for days is not advised. Unless you really like surprises.

Love Note

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Today’s Prompt: You stumble upon a random letter on the path.You read it. It affects you deeply, and you wish it could be returned to the person to which it’s addressed. Write a story about this encounter.

The paper was folded into an uneven square when I picked it up off the path. I carefully unfolded it and began to read. I was struck by the love scrawled across the lined memo pages.

Don’t forget today (and every day) that your number one fan is always with you. You’ll do great cause you are the greatest, most amazing, unstoppable, unsinkable, loved immensely by me-YOU!

I smiled as a memory flashed through my mind. My pen poised in the air as I searched for the words, and then hastily put pen to paper. Giggling to myself as I placed it on the nightstand under his keys. The note passed back and forth through the years. A sure fire pump-up going into life’s biggest days. Or on a day like today when I leaned in for a goodbye kiss, tucked into my pocket just because.

The Loss of Free-For-All Eating, Shopping and Other Guilty Pleasures

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It has been a week since I ended the 21 Day Elimination Diet–part 1 of my journey to figure out what I’m eating that is wrecking havoc on my body. I’m proud that I completed the process, but there is definitely some mourning (and celebrating) that needs to happen over the loss of my previous lifestyle and habits.

Here in no particular order are some things lost along the way–some forever, some for now and some whose future is uncertain…

Forever Lost

1) Time. Point blank it takes more time to eat healthy and to consciously think about every morsel that goes into your body. To follow the elimination diet, careful planning and preparation are a most. It took me until about day 3 when I was starving to get the hang of that. Eating in a pinch used to consist of grabbing my favorite chips and dip from the cupboard. Not really an option when processed foods are a no-no, and hidden ingredients lurking in the most benign of foods make them off limits as well. Did you know there is sugar in EVERYTHING?

2) Money. Ok, to be fair money spent in the pursuit of ones health should probably not be considered a loss. But this is my mourning list, so I’m gonna cry over those dollar bills spent at Whole Foods anyways.

3) Free-for-All Eating. As in, I eat what I want, when I want, and as much as I want. And that goes for drinking too. This mainly applied to queso and chips, wine and mac n chz. Gah, no wonder my body went all toxic and ragey on me. Was it trying to tell me something? That I’m not 21 anymore? My metabolism is failing me?  Oh, the horror. And truth. All good things must come to an end. Goodness gracious, I sound all growed-up.

Lost For Now (I mean forever is a strong word)

4) Peanut Butter Easter Eggs. This was especially tragic as they only come around once a year. Peanut butter and chocolate were most definitely on the not list so I had my first Easter in the history of Easters without them.

5) Free-for-All Shopping: Like free for all eating, free for all shopping was just how I rolled pre life changing experience. I might have a list, but that didn’t stop me from wandering down every aisle, throwing the random delicious treat in my cart and trying every sample I could get my hands-on. Now I have to stay on the outskirts of the fun, and stick to the freshies that run the perimeter of the store. Which is kinda not fair because there are many things on the perimeter like cheese and ice cream that I can’t have.

6) Extra pounds. I was not sorry to say goodbye to the extra pounds courtesy of my free-for-all eating/drinking. I guess everything comes with a price which I was willing to pay in 10 pounds give or take.

Future Uncertain

7) Headaches. Searching for the cause of my daily headaches was a major reason to embark on this process. And since beginning they have all but disappeared! And besides my diet nothing else has changed. Things are still good on the home front and work is still driving me insane especially without alcohol to unwind in the evenings. I’m not sure what will happen as I continue the incorporation process, but hope this one will stay gone!

8) Bread, soy products, cheese, ice cream, sushi, chocolate, beer, wine, and on and on and on. Basically, all the good things in life. Eliminated through the process, and awaiting reintroduction. Every three days, I get to introduce one new item from the no-no list and see how my body reacts. It’s been a week and I’ve tackled eggs, bananas and tomatoes. So far so good. Parting was sad, but the reunions have been great. Of course, it remains to be seen about the others.

Will I have to part with mac n chz for good? Am I allergic to wine? Will a random stash of peanut butter easter eggs appear in my life? Will the pounds return? What will become of me?? Will I still be the Lauren that I have spent years coming to terms with??!!

My Gift is My Song…

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Writing 101 has laid down the latest challenge and it’s to name the three most important songs in my life. Hmmmmm, this is not going to be easy! Spotify is my BFF and I love being able to think of a song and listen to it on the spot. When I think of my life, my memories are accompanied by my favorite song at the time. I grew-up in a house wired inside and out with speakers with music always on. I work to music, clean to music, play to music, jance (jamming + dancing) to music, drive to music, hang out to music–so yeah it’s a huge part of my life. Oddly enough, I have no musical talent. I sing along anyways though. It makes me happy, and I hope that you’ll enjoy the following songs as much as I do! (If you don’t love them too, don’t tell me because I’d hate to ruin any current or future friendship we might have.)

Live Your Life TI featuring Rihanna: I was two years out of college and living in Jackson Hole, WY when this song made its stamp on my life. I’d moved to Jackson, a ski town, site unseen after graduation as I wasn’t ready to end my good times and enter the “real world”. I’d heard it was fun and a modern day never, never land where I wouldn’t have to grow-up. Perfect! This song and it’s message “just live your life, no telling where it’ll take ya” was quite appropriate for my adventure. When I hear it on my playlist I’m transported back to Jackson where I’m dancing around the bar out waayyy too late without a care in the world. I appreciated it validating my decision to be a ski bum while my college friends got law degrees, MBA’s and MRS degrees.

Dancing on My Own by Robyn: I first heard this song on the HBO show Girls (forever grateful Lena Dunham) and it’s been my jam every since. It was love at first hear. I might even have made a music video to it on my 28th birthday. I will admit that “I’m in the corner watching you kiss her” is kinda creepy, but just hum through that part, keep dancing and it’s all good.

Crazy Love by Van Morrison: Classic. Amazing. Pure goodness. It warms my soul and is a very special song with a with a very special someone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyCAZRKXaQk

What are your favorite songs?

Carried Away

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I read the assignment for my latest Writing 101 post this morning before work, and therefore spent a good portion of the day thinking about it. It’s not unusual. I frequently find myself fantasizing about being transported out of the office. Well typically it’s less transported and more like running out of there, jumping in my car and pointing it towards…

Home. Our house which is exactly 2.7 miles  from work. It’s a 10 minute commute give or take. Traffic can be an issue as I have to drive straight through a college campus teeming with activity as students vie for the perfect parking spot, dart across the road when running late for class or saunter across when chatting with friends.

As I drive home, I am literally bouncing with excitement. I feel like a caged animal that has been released, and is following the scent home. My car radio isn’t working so I hum to myself and anticipate the moment that I walk through the back door of our house and shut the world out. Always gently because I don’t want to disturb our upstairs neighbor.

We live in a rental duplex in the downstairs unit. I’m not sure why I’m so concerned with maintaining quiet as our upstairs neighbor is either
a) really into cleaning and moving her furniture around daily
b) the owner of a bowling alley
c) a skipping maniac

No matter though. It’s one of the quirks of our home.

As I zoom down the steep driveway (quite honestly probably too fast but I am so excited), the tension in my body starts to release. Ahhhhhhhhhh. I’m greeted by our two seater vintage wooden fold-up chair that never fails to make me smile. It is just so freakin cute and perfect. And it makes me laugh thinking of how we didn’t really need it, but I put on my puppy dog face at the store and now it is ours and gives our backyard some major flair in my opinion.

Once inside and safely ensconced in our cozy home, I take a deep breath. Time to just be. Of course that is much better accomplished with some sweats so I head to the bedroom for the switch. I’m greeted by a laundry pile, my nightstand overflowing with books, an unmade bed and a whirlwind of scattered items courtesy of two people running very late for work, but hey that’s us. The dressers we refinished together somehow go perfectly with the nightstands I purchased from Wayfair, and that always gives me a thrill. I mean, you really just don’t know how that sort of thing will work out sometimes. This room makes me happy in its perfect chaos.

I wander into the kitchen for a bit of chores. I missed another smoothie splatter and dishes need to be done. Time slows down, and I flit around straightening the kitchen. I’m moving fast, but inside I’m calm. Returning our kitchen to order after last night’s culinary adventure and the morning’s hectic grab what you can and go, brings me peace.

I’m now ready for my perch on the couch where the cushion is perfectly indented from me. I’ve spent many nights curled-up here watching Jeopardy, writing, chatting, eating, drinking and entertaining guests. Secure in the throne of our kingdom. The vintage wooden dining table we inherited from Garett’s mom whispers memories of past and future dinner parties from across the room. The feminine pillows I picked to brighten the tan corduroy couch and compliment our teal shabby chic flea market tables are balanced by the metal and brown leather speckled chairs that Garett chose.

The fireplace is stained with soot and the walls are shedding. The light outside is haunted and the front door takes a special knack to lock. But there is a Harry Potter cupboard under the stairs and courtyard with stone walls tangled in ivy. There is the trellis that we built together for our hops plant and our Harris Teeter rockers that make the perfect seats on the front porch.

And most importantly there is us past, present and future. There are the family heirlooms that take their place of honor in our house. My great-grandmother’s afghan tossed across the sofa, the tea tin from Garett’s English grandmother adding character to the kitchen, the silver pitcher that’s the perfect flower vase. There’s the plastic snake from my Medusa Halloween costume still lurking in the bathroom waiting to scare guests. There’s the game of Risk peeking out from under the coffee table that is always beckoning us to battle for world domination and to enjoy a late night of too much fun. It’s the framed picture of my hometown that my best friend gave me and the abundance of martini glasses in the thrift store hutch. They are all a part of why I walk in this house, it puts its arms around me and I feel the love.

Tips for Smooth Smoothie Making

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So, one would think that after 21 days of making smoothies every morning I’d have it down to a science. I mean the name in itself suggests a smooth and easy process. How hard can it be?? Throw the ingredients in the Ninja, press a button and it does all the work. Well, for some reason it typically doesn’t work out that way for me.

I’ve decided that maybe I need some written reminders posted by the Ninja to help me out. Maybe the problem is I’m not awake yet. It’s typically one of the first things I do, because I wake-up hungry most of the time (awesome) and need something in my belly ASAP. So that my belly will quit yelling at me, so I can take my vitamins and so that I can drink my green tea. Vitamins and caffeine on an empty stomach are not a good scene. Andddd I can’t have eggs right now thanks to this elimination diet so smoothies it is.

The first roadblock I often hit is getting the ingredients in the blender without making a mess. As in I am really clumsy and somehow spill whatever is supposed to go into the blender all over the kitchen. When it’s blueberries and you are running late for work even better. It’s amazing how those suckers roll under everything, leaving a trail of vibrant purple in their wake and squished blueberries under my feet. Fun times.

The next problem is that when I do manage to finally get everything situated in the blender, I realize I’ve forgotten to put the blade in. I get to dump everything back out that I just worked so hard to get in so that I can put the blade in. As you can imagine that it’s own mini adventure. At this point, I’m ready to call it day.

I continue on, refusing to be daunted and too far in at this point to pull the plug. I breathe a sigh of relief that I am finally ready for the easy part where I press a button and let it go. I flip the switch and it’s making a weird noise and smells like the engine might be burning. Oh right. It’s still on the single serve setting and I’m using a pitcher. Minor adjustment, easy fix and I’m back in business.

The Ninja is finally working now, chewing the blueberries and kale into a frothy mix that I have definitely earned and spraying it out onto the counter and walls. Wait one of those things is not supposed to be happening. Yep, I did it again. I didn’t check to make sure the pitcher lid was closed hence the smoothie murals now decorating the kitchen.

Will I ever learn? Can I ever be trusted to make a smoothie without making a mess? Is there something wrong with me???

Breakfast of Champs

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Typically on weekend mornings we have fried eggs and bacon. It is the one meal in my repertoire that I can do without even thinking. I’ve even gotten the technique down of flipping the egg in the pan without breaking the yolk. I find it a bit thrilling.

Sooooo sad face that this fun tradition has been missing from our lives thanks to the elimination diet. I’ve been kinda at a loss for what to do in its place (I mean seriously. There really is no replacement.) so I usually make a smoothie. I tried making quinoa breakfast cereal once and it was no bueno.

This morning I was craving something sweet, feeling ambitious and resourceful so I decided to try it again. The last go round wasn’t sweet at all, and did not hit the spot. I thought adding an apple might help, but I wasn’t sure how to add it in. I decided to go with my favorite new kitchen shortcut–when in doubt, blend it.

One blended apple, quinoa, unsweetened almond milk,a few drops of stevia and cinnamon thrown in the pot to cook and voila. Breakfast is served.

**I want to point out that a crispy piece of bacon crumbled over the top would be the coup de whoa.**